Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
