You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
