he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
