I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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