What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
