He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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