I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
