I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Bring me that man meat
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
