i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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