We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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