I got chris browned last night
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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