it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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