I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
