Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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