sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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