We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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