What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
