So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
