wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
