I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I believe in your delicious
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
