Kiss
Puke
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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