This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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