Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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