his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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