I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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