There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Couch. On fire.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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