is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
