sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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