It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize