i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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