A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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