Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His nipple licking is glorious
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