is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
