this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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