I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
