worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
