true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
