Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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