Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
