i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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