spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
