You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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