I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
