I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
