Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
