apparently the secret to your success is patron
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
