He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
