My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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