Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
