nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
