I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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