i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you didnt know i had herpes?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
