Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
