You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
