My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
