his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
