I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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