Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I faked an abortion last night.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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