Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
