dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just puked most of my soul out..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
