i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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