Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
