my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Even my vagina gasped.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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