so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
