Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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