it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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