He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
