are you still at the devil's house?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
