My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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