I faked an abortion last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize