so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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