Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
