Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
