I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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