I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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