You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
