I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
